Emotionally Focused Therapy (ETF) developed by Dr. Susan Johnson, and others, extends attachment theory created by John Bowlby to adult relationships. The idea is to map relationships using emotions to listen and regulate conflict and repair. If we can heal relationships then we can heal and grow people. The idea is to join as a couple to move from disconnection into moments of connection. In order for couples to do it themselves they are guided into identifying emotional signals, within themselves and their partners, identify the disconnection as the enemy to the couple and see conflicts as information used to experience the corrective emotional experience. There are many common defense strategies which we can all easily recognize: I want win, yes dear “you could be right”, You don’t understand my point, I won’t be vulnerable, silent scorn. This is a small sampling which might turn into behaviors used during periods of increased stress or conflict. They set up a never ending cycle. The goal of EFT is to create a secure bond through attunement or calibration within the session. This is a gentle mindful awareness of the “last emotion. Love or the instinct to bond is primal. It drives us to keep one or two people close. It’s a survival mechanism. The distinction that Bowlby created was threefold; dependency vs autonomy vs interdependency. In other words we need other people and that is not a weakness! The biggest risk factor in Western Society is Emotional Isolation. When you reach out and fear no one will respond, it can be crippling. People are looking for emotional connection.